Thursday, July 1, 2010

Why Owning An iPod is a Like Having a Baby, Only Less Awful

Here I sit, laptop on lap, waiting for my iPod (link) to tell me my onions are ready, and I'm thinking to myself Golly Trav, this "having an iPod" thing, it's a pretty big commitment. It's exactly like having a baby (link), probably even harder. So I decided to consider the similarities between babies and iPods. Here is a list I just came up with.

1. Your iPod needs to be fed or it dies. So do babies.
2. iPods and babies both prefer being dressed to protect them from wounds and sexual predators.
3. Last week a frenchman stole my iPod. I hear they steal babies too.

Beware, he steals iPods and babies.

4. You need to grow corn in them or their people will die. 
5. You need to harvest your corn on time or it well get fussy and develop a rash.
6. You need to pay a lot when you first get one.
7. The cost of upkeep rises rather quickly as you "improve" it with more skills.
8. These skills cost more money.
9. Neither will ever make you proud.
10. Both will piss you off to no end.
11. They are both perfectly capable of consuming and therefore ruining your life.
12. You can't blog on your baby, but you can blog about your baby (no one cares) with your iPod.
13. They can both be loud, but iPods require you plug speakers in them first.
14. You can make them both be quiet.
15. You can pretend your iPod is a lightsaber. You can also pretend your baby is a lightsaber.
16. Using either of them in public is unlikely to make you popular with hot chicks.
17. One covers itself with shit, and the other loads shit on you while pretending to make life easier.

The only difference of note I can think of is that babies suck and iPods don't.

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