Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Goth Clubs > Other Clubs

I'd like to get one thing out of the way before I go on about the wonders of goth clubs, and that is that I am in no way a goth, nor do I have anything against them (quite the contrary, in fact). I just love the atmosphere and music.

First of all, I'm not a fan of dancing anyplace other than a goth club, because when I dance to notgothmusic, I look like a late-stage parkinson's patient who's about to be beaten to death for looking like a bloody idiot. Here's me at a notgothclub. Ladies?

Wow, I sure am awesome. And in case you're wondering, this disturbingly empty club is located in Kep, Cambodia. These pictures were taken approxmately 10 days ago. Further, that thing on my head which is so flawlessly complimenting my badassery dripping with awesomeness is a Buff. These linfinitely useful head ornaments are a necessity for those who find themselves traveling a lot in extreme weather and for those with beautiful hair that reacts badly when exposed to "dancing". Here, the Buff is making me awesome in the same way that a pirate is awesome. (The second picture is of me doing my impression of BP)

Moving on, and back to what I thought I would write about, the quintessential club is none other than the goth club. I frequent one not too far from my place of residence every Friday. I refuse to name the example of club perfection lest my adoring fans fan overwhelm me there. But I can assure you it is the best.

The music in a goth club is consistently the best dance music in the history of everything. Artists like Wolfsheim, The Cure, Apoptygma Berserk, Covenant, VNV Nation, She Wants Revenge, Skinny Puppy, and more caress your eardrums like only the most expensive Lebanese prostitutes can.

Another reason I love the goth club is that the dancing that goes on within is far superior to the dancing that accompanies hip-hop (looking like an asshole), pop (looking like a shithead), or metal (looking like a shitheaded asshole). Goth dancing is only matched in awesomeness by swing dancing, which I would love to learn how to do without killing myself.

The reason goth dancing is so amazing is because there are no expectations in place. Therefore, in a goth club, you are likely to encounter examples from beautiful to does-he-know-people-can-see-him. And no one will judge you! I typically dance like a fucking legend, but that wasn't so when I first started going there, but the great thing is there will always be someone looking stupider than you, so it doesn't matter. Even better, there really is no expected dress. For example, I never dress as a goth for a night at the club, and neither do many of its patrons.

The last reason I find goth clubs so compelling is the people who frequent them; goths, freaks, normies, old people, unexplainables, thatguys, and oh-my-god-I-love-hers. The goth club I visit weekly is made up of these people. My favorite are the oh-my-god-I-love-hers, obviously. Despite my lack of goth mentality/dress/lifestyle, I find the less severe goth females incredibly compelling, but then I've always been fond of weird, and glasses, for that matter. Reading glasses. Irresistible.

                                                                                                                                                               Dat glass.

Anyway, goth clubs are perfect for people-watching. These venues typically attract a cross-section of society's more interesting people, and I much prefer them over the less unique, regular club population.

If you find yourself wanting to spend an evening out partying and a goth club is within reasonable travel distance, I sincerely urge you to take the plunge. You won't regret it.
All this talk of goth clubs makes me miss home; there are no goth clubs in Cambodia.

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