Monday, October 11, 2010

List of Soil-your-pants-Awesome people I met in Australia

Okay, first of all, I would like to denounce some rumours that has been floating around.

I've heard a person say that I am not the funniest writer in this blog, and that the only thing I do is make excuses for myself not to write.

First of all, fuck you, dear reader.
I am what is keeping this blog alive. You see, Perpetually Bemused (i.e. Travis) has gone AWOL, and Niina (i.e. Nina. Originality is not a virtue given to all creatures in this world, I do not judge) is simply a complete waste of space.

Therefor, I am god as far is it comes to you, dear reader.

Now, about my trip to Australia!
There were four highlights to this trip. Or rather, four people who made me need to change my pants, simply because anyone in their close proximity soiled themselves out of sheer awe for their awesomeness. I will now list them in the order of awesome.

4. Turban-Pilot.
Turban-Pilot was the guy who flew us from Cambodia to Malaysia. You might not think much of him, being a pilot for a shitty low-cost airline company, however, he has one major thing that makes all your arguments invalid.
He has a turban. He isn't Indian, so he's not Hindu. He isn't Arab, so he's not a muslim. Why does he have a turban? Because FUCK YOU, that's why.

3. Homeless and Potentially mentally ill Afro-dude.
HPA (Homeless and Potentially mentally ill Afro-dude) doesn't give a shit about what you think. He's 70, he's white, he's Australian. But he really loves Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction, so he will have none of your shit. He wears a gray jumpsuit and sneakers, has a goatee and an Afro. He also talks to himself in a scary manner, but we'll leave what he said out of the blog, as it will seriously make this post less humerous and a lot more sad.

2. Construction-Worker Santa
Exactly what it says on the tin. He's a construction worker. Who looks just like Santa. Except he's a construction worker.
I actually saw a fucking kid yell "IT'S SANTA!"

Yes, kids! During the other 11 months of the year, Santa works as a low-payed construction worker in the shithole that is the Australian outback. The more you know!

1. Redbearded Muslim Dude.
RMD is the king of awesomeness. This dude has the whole boring, Muslim style over himself. The classical white clothing, the hat and HOLYFUCKHEHASAREDBEARD!
This guy has colored his black, long, thick beard entirely red.

.... Do I need to say more? This dude is fucking hardcore. He fights the system, and with a beard like that, the system doesn't fight back.
Appearently, The Ginger I have living in my closet (others call it my brother, whatever) tells me that appearently the Prophet Muhammed colored his hair red, and not only with the blood of his enemies! (Though, knowing muslims, that was probably an essential part in hair dye.)

Appearently, long before the Dead Kennedys sang about Holidays in Cambodia (approximately 1600 years), the Muslims were rocking red beards, fighting the Christian Regime, having like 16 wives and just doing all this crazy ass shit. Dear god, I had no idea Islam was so Punk Rock.
Thank you Redbeard Muslim Dude! Thank you for enlightening me.
Now we know!

See? I told you....

Well, that's all folks. For now.
I'd like to see Niina sit down and write a post with more than 20 words. In your face, bitch!


  1. I feel so special cause I keep being mentioned ^^

  2. (also learn to Finland with our awesome double vowels in names. And blame my parents for it as well.)