Sunday, September 5, 2010

Having a Penis is Bringing Me Down

Hail, children. Classes have commenced and I am like the neglectful father, allowing my readers to stew in my indifference. But no more; I've missed you, and no amount of women can replace you.

The first class I had this semester was Women's Studies. It has come to my attention that this is the only class I am going to have to put more than a little effort into; with 5 men to about 20 women, 10 of whom appear to be angry lesbian feminists, just doing the work is not going to be enough.

The problem:
According to many feminists I have met, my penis strikes any argument I put forth invalid. Further, it's been brought to my attention on countless occasions that I am a smartass who's not quite sure when to keep his mouth shut. Even though I've been working out a lot so I don't need to keep my mouth shut, that doesn't help in a classroom full of things I can't hit... with my fists.

If only my class was full of this.

My inability to refrain from making a joke once I've seen it will undoubtedly cause my in-class problems. Couple this with the crippling penis, and that's quite a sticky situation. I am going to be repressed in my Women's Studies class. Fortunately, I have spent many hours thinking up solutions to this.

The Solutions:
Plan 1. Seduce everyone. I will enter the classroom in my best Southeast Asian clothing, ensuring I'm wearing a shade of blue somewhere. I will build a foundation with each and every woman in the class, exchange numbers, and be the only man each and every one of them will ever need. I will make offhand comments about how much money I have as I ask them to tell me about themselves. I will show them pictures of my iPod speakers. I will be marriage material. (I should consider using my posh English accent to make this even easier)

I will then arrange a personal meeting with my professor, during which I will make her forget about her husband (if she has one). I will make sure she's aware that I love feminists and feminism and professors.

After I have every female in the classroom in my pocket, I will sustain a system of dating each and every one of them (I will need a lot of money for flowers,dinners, movies, picnics, trips to amusement parks, and chocolate). What this will accomplish is simple, no woman will argue with me in class for fear of ruining our relationship, and my professor will reward me with an A.


Plan 2. Crossdress. I look like a woman in makeup. How I know this is irrelevant. I would have to explain why I was a man last class by complaining about my current identity crisis. I can say I was feeling repressed by men and just wanted a taste of the power. Foolproof, but this plan implies less sex with girls and more sex with men than Plan 1.


Plan 3. Remove my penis. This will ensure my opinions are valid.

While I'm leaning toward the first plan, I haven't come to a final decision yet. The first plan requires a reasonable amount of effort and logistical prowess, but the rewards are substantial. The second plan is easy enough, but lacks the bonuses supplied by the first plan. The third plan is arguably the easiest and instantly overcomes the feminist/man barrier, but I wouldn't have a penis anymore; I like having a penis.
I use it to be this.

And to do this well.

I have some thinking to do. I'd ask for your opinions, readers, but chances are you'll ask me to remove my penis.


  1. you're forgetting that women talk, they talk about their clothes, their class, feministic ideas and most of all their boys. They will soon know that you are dating each and every one of them and therefore turn against you. Perhaps before seducing them you want to subtly bring up the idea that dating men is not what the good feminist does in one of you feminism group sessions, so when you do date them they will not talk about their secret dates with the 'perfect man'.

  2. hahahaha, this post made me laugh.. you know, i do love my penis

  3. how do i follow you ? i really would like to get more updates from you, but can't seem to find the link

  4. Lol you have to think with the right head ;)

  5. Option 2 - Don't you do it already? :P

    Option 3 - That would be a bit redundant, no?

  6. the solution is silence. music to thou ears.

  7. Pretty interesting read. Just crossdress :)

  8. Wow, thanks for all the comments guys. Sorry about the delay in my posting anything. Just passed a busy period in my life. In any case, thanks a lot, and I'll be starting up a new blog and reviving this one. A post about it will be made soon. The follow button should be on the right side. I will move it to the top of the page so it is more accessible.

    Again, thanks guys. Also, I decided to keep my penis, it's too much fun to give up. But I am doing well in the class anyway xD